revelations for this summer
so i was talking to my coworker who has been to greece before; she was talking about running a lot b/c her and her hubby are going on vacation next month to a beach-y area, and she didn’t want to look flabby next to all the beach bunnies, which… this girl teaches pilates, is really tall and thin and she has nothing to worry about. anyway. so, i look at her and reply “how do you think i feel going to greece in a month?!” and she proceeded to tell me about HER time in greece.
she was 15 lbs lighter (which, omg, i can’t imagine being that tiny) and she wanted to buy pants over there, and their pants are sized S, M, L, XL, etc… not numbers like ours. and.. she was an XL. !!!!!!!!!!!! apparently all the girls are so tiny over there.. which… augh.. just makes me feel worse about myself and my cottage cheese thighs and back rolls. will i ever set foot in the ocean there?!?! maybe fully clothed.. sniff sniff…
i guess they have an 80% bulimic rate, which explains the littleness. but it’s still so intimidating. i know it’s unhealthy, but sometimes i wish i was strong enough to be aneorexic, to say “no” to food… or brave enough to try to make myself throw up. i can’t throw up. ew. but i wish i could. isn’t that messed up??
i suddenly feel much more depressed about my trip 
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I can relate to everything you said in your post. Try not to be depressed about going to Greece. It will be an amazing trip no matter what your weight!!
If you can go out there and be confident, you are going to be fine. Seriously…I think about all the overweight women I know…the ones who are confident about themselves seem less overweight. The ones who are always trying to hide, fade into the background, seem heavier. Does that make any sense? Go forth with confidence. You are who you are. Don’t apologize for it. Have fun!
(And I have wished to catch anorexia a time or two. And then I saw one of my sister’s best friends fight her way through it…she nearly died because her potassium levels were off…she was high-risk for a heart attack. That’s when I decided I’d rather be heavy and alive)
I sound like a mother don’t I?