fuck
this has nothing to do with weight loss but i need to talk or blog or something and i feel safe here.
my sister flipped her jeep over the side of a hill, and ended up in the hospital. it took about 1/2 an hour to cut her out of the jeep (her airbag didn’t go off), and they think she broke her nose, knee, leg, foot… etc… i say think because our hospital is crappy. but yeah. her nose is all swollen and her lip and shit.
and, i’m going to be the first to say, i’m a horrible sister.
i was worried, yeah. but mostly, i was pissed. because i knew why she wrecked, and that was confirmed tonight. because.. tada.. she was drinking.
and, i knew. i knew she was with her friend drinking when i got home from work, i could tell something was up when they left. i didn’t say anything, because i was annoyed (she is 18, and a senior in high school), and she lies about shit all the time anyway, so she would have denied it and we would have gotten into a fight… whatever.. i’m making excuses, because i should have stopped her, but i didn’t. and she lies to me about everything, smoking, drinking, whatever. i used to care, but i’ve gotten to the point where i’m so mad that she lies, and doesn’t confide in me, and everybody makes excuses for her, that i sometimes think, whatever, let her do what she wants, she will learn her lesson eventually.
and now, this has happened, and i’m a horrible sister for ever thinking that.
and what’s worse, is everybody is babying her and nobody is upset and i should be worried about her and wanting her to get better, but all i can think about is how mad i am that she did that and nobody seems to care, and she is going to get all this babying attention, and .. it doesn’t seem right. she made my mom almost pass out and freak out from worrying her daughter was going to die, and it pisses me off. i dont know.
i have all these thoughts in my head, and i just know i’m this awful, mean, person who isn’t caring or sympathetic or anything, and my mom has told me not to be mad at her, but i can’t help it, i can’t just forgive her and let this all be forgotten. this could have happened so many times, it’s amazing it’s been this long. and i think back to all the times this could have happened to my parents. i feel like i’m the only sane responsible one, and i hate it.
and, i’m going to admit this.
think badly of me, if you want, nobody could think worse of myself than i am right now.
but, a little part of me was thinking…. funny… ironic… how… i always imagine myself getting in a bad car wreck.. but it happens to her instead….
idk…..
i just needed to talk. but im really tired. so.. idk.
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You can forgive her…you just don’t want to: )
The thing about forgiveness is…the person doesn’t deserve it…and that’s what makes it so hard to give. But the other thing about forgiveness that people don’t think about is…what it does to you…to carry it around. You forgive for yourself…not them. You do it because it is healthy for your heart to not have all that crap in it…does that make sense?
You can’t change your sister…or your parents. She is obviously acting out about something. She needs to change…but only she can decide she wants to…not you…or your parents.
It is wrong what she is doing and that is great that you have such a good sense of right and wrong…and a heart that cares so much about your parents! That is VERY cool!
I am so sorry that you are having to go through this…but learn from it, and forgive your sister…she doesn’t even know what she is doing. You are wise…and you know the right things to do…so just keep being an example for your sister…and as much as you will probably hate this…love her…she needs it!!
Chrisie def gave you great advice…Although I can def understand where you’re coming from…It seems that some people can basically get away with anything and no one ever gets on them about…That saying is def true about life not being fair…Hopefully things will work out between you and your sister/family…
~Jhonica~
Yes, good advice and hard to follow. Someone near and dear to my heart got a DUI 8 years ago and I still struggle with it. It’s easy to be angry and feel betrayed and hard as hell to forgive. But the anger never makes things better. You can be pissed at her all you want. You can feel like a martyr all you want. But it just makes you miserable inside. I hope that you can take a deep breath, realize she’s flawed (as we all are) and know that someday it’s going to catch up with her. It may not be this time. It may not be next time, but it will. Just live your life. Don’t let her define you. Define yourself. You are Luka. You are awesome. You are smart and funny and adorable and you are going to Europe soon and I am so jealous!