Chronicles of a Carb-o-holic

so i’m sitting here at work, crying and feeling sorry for myself. i feel like an idiot.

i managed to keep temptation at bay for a couple hours, but, of  course, me being ME… i completely inhaled all these cookies, kisses, mini peanut butter cups… everything. part of me is angry that this stuff is ALWAYS AROUND, and i seem to be the only one who gets fat when i eat it. but the main part of me knows i shouldn’t blame anybody but myself, and .. that sucks.

i suck. i’m a sucky person. yes, this is a pity party, i know.. it’s pathetic. i just can’t get past this, and it bugs the hell out of me. why do i struggle with food, when i KNOW i will get fatter and i KNOW i will feel like shit afterwards? why ME? augh.

i’m leaving in a month. i’m totally hideous, i made the mistake of trying on a swimsuit the other day, and i wanted to hang myself. i can’t do anything because i’m so self-conscious, in the back of my mind is the nigling thought that i’m a big cow and nobody will ever like me and i’ll never be pretty and i’ll just waste away my youth and never be happy in life ever.

my sister is overweight, weighs more than i do, yet she like.. pulls it off, and she looks damn cute, and it pisses me off, because i just look horribly disgusting.

i really want to lose weight so badly more than i’ve wanted anything yet i keep sabotouging myself and i HATE THAT yet i can’t stop.. it’s like, i’m my own worst enemy and i don’t know what to do!!!!

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!